#notallmen

One Man's Response to the back-and-forth between #yesallwomen and #notallmen:

Aside from this short personal screed, you won't ever see me use the hashtag #notallmen (though you won't see me use the hashtag #yesallwomen either, for the obvious reason).  But I get where it comes from.  Really, I do.  As a man who could quite reasonably use that hashtag if he pleased, I suspect that most men like me read #yesallwomen in two ways: as an attempt to chip away at their privilege, and as an accusation.  The privilege may not be fair, but it's quite human to like having privileges.  And even for a perfectly well-meaning man, the knee-jerk reaction to #yesallwomen can be defensive.  The movement states that harassment and assault is a universal experience.  If we're not on the receiving end, then we must, by implication, be perpetrators.

Now, obviously, that's not what #yesallwomen is actually about.  Even if it were, though, #notallmen would miss the point, because #yesallwomen marks narratives of things that, in a just world, would never happen to any women at all.  Ultimately, the issue here is a lot bigger than men's affront at a perceived accusation.

At the same time, big issues need wide support.  It's an unfortunate fact that simply telling the truth isn't enough.  To inspire change, it's necessary to tailor a truthful message in such a way that appeals to a wide audience.  So, even though it seems a little silly to thank people for doing what everyone should do, I will do it anyway.  On behalf of nobody but myself, thank you, #notallmen, for not being part of the problem.  Thank you for not doing anything to women that merits accusation.

With that said, even if you are not deserving of accusations, you may be in need of a wakeup call.  Instead of simply being among the many who are not part of the problem, why not join the much smaller number who are part of the solution?  Instead of simply refraining from harassing or assaulting women, why not remind your family or friends not to do it?  You could even show true courage by denouncing this behavior when you see it happen in public (and while #notallmen have done it, #yesallmen have seen it take place.  Admit it).

My response, as a man, to #notallmen:  yes, not all of them, but too many.

Unsolicited, Uneducated Legal Opinion

Using the victim's sexual history as evidence for the defense in a rape case is like using a victim's Christmas shopping list to defend a thief.  "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the so-called 'victim' in this case has demonstrated a clear pattern of giving things to people.  It is clear that this slightly-used iPhone was a gift to my defendant, which his accuser later regretted giving away."

That dog don't hunt.